Today I returned from my college break to a virtually empty campus and was left with nothing to do really but the inspiration to write a little since it has been a while, so I thought that I would share a conversation that I had over dinner with Pete.
We had been talking about Houghton and the interesting and slightly irritating things that we witness on our predominately evangelical campus and the questions that it has brought to our own minds. The one question that I thought that was worth discussing here is this interesting idea that people talk about seeking guidance from God on a decision that they are trying to make. Now I want to say first and foremost that I do believe that God can and does in certain occasions make his will known to people in this world, but I think to a degree that many Christians just love to attach his name to things, or to give their decision a little bit more credibility will say something to the effect of “I will pray about it,” or “I am just seeking God’s will on this matter.”
Now I know to many that I may just sound like a cynic and to others one with a lack of faith, but I believe that the question begs asking why do we say such things? It seems to me that we do not really mean these things that we say, or if we do we are oblivious to the other influencing factors in our lives. For instance in the conversation with Pete the main topic was the way that students here at Houghton talk about dating and how in many cases when they are growing closer to someone and begin to have feelings for that person they stop and say to themselves I am going to pray about this and see what God’s will is on the matter which almost inevitably leads them to later make the decision that God is in fact leading them to be with this person as though this is some divinely inspired romance. Perhaps you do believe that, perhaps you do believe that God has just one person in mind for you and that God will tell you when you find that person.
I think where my problem lies is not in the idea that God does have a plan that he wishes us to live according to, and not with the idea that God may have an opinion with who I end up with because I am sure that he does, my problem is with people just attaching his name to the romance because the prayed for a few days or a few weeks about it and then assume that because the heavens have not fallen down on them that this is God’s sign that they have the go-ahead. I feel that this attitude has the potential to have rather destructive consequences because if the relationship does not work out then this person is left to question God, or to question that impulse that they felt initially in the beginning of the relationship. I feel that such questioning is an unnecessary stress that we put on ourselves as we search for that divinely written romance.
First of all I must say that I reject that notion that there is one person that God has chosen for you out there because I have seen that work out in too many hurtful ways and based on my own experience this just does not seem to be the case. What I therefore believe is that we write our own destiny and I am sure that many of you believe this too, but what I mean by this is that we go out and we meet people and we like people and so we date different people and inevitably it doesn’t work out some of the time, and then we meet someone that we are really compatible with and we feel those special feelings for them and instead of slamming on the breaks to check with God as to whether this is the romance that he wrote for use at the start of creation, we get to know this person and see how it works. I believe that God does have an opinion on the topic but why are we so convinced that if we pray that he is going to tell us exactly what he thinks about it depriving us of the ability to learn for ourselves the surprise as to how things will go, and that even if this is not the person that you will end up with, that he would deprive you of the ability to learn something from the relationship despite the fact that it may not work out. God wants us to learn for ourselves and not reach for him to hold our hand with every decision in our lives.
Now some people may look at the things I have written here and completely disagree with me and that is totally fine and expected. But I challenge you to think for yourself and to follow that heart that bears the image of God. I challenge you to not pray for God to tell you exactly what to do, but that you would learn to be in his will and act as he would have you act. That whatever relationship you choose that it would be honoring to yourself and God and that even when they do not work out, that you would not feel the need to question God but to simply understand that this is how things are sometime and accept them as a learning experience that will benefit your future relationships and someday your marriage.
My Prayer is that more people would realize that God does love us to be in prayer with him and that he expects that from us but that we would also realize that he gave us two feet that he did in fact expect us to walk on one day and that we would have to make choices of our own, but that he hopes for us to follow the values that he has taught us when making those choices so that we may live life to the fullest and not be so busy stopping and looking to the clouds for those divine affirmations of what we are doing. Blessings to all.
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